Take a few deep breaths, people. We will get through this. My review of the Twilight film contains tons of spoilers and details. If you have not seen the movie and do not want to know these things…I suggest you stop reading now!
SPOILERS AHEAD
SPOILERS AHEAD
SPOILERS AHEAD
Enough warning? Okay, I’ll proceed.
A summation: I’m disappointed. Big time.
In retrospect, I like to think that there were a handful of AMAZING moments in the film that blew my mind, but they all get washed away when one considers the laundry list of HORRIBLE things that have me scratching my head wondering what kind of drugs Catherine Hardwicke must have been on while directing and overseeing this project. I cannot not get over the absolute goofiness that ensued with the special effects, dialogue, and bad acting.
I know, I know, you’re probably thinking, “Who even uses the word goofy anymore?” Well I can’t think of any other word to appropriately justify how baffled I was after viewing this flick. Trust me, I feel terrible saying all of these things considering the fact that I wanted the movie to succeed more than anyone (and I have the blog posts to prove it). But I have to let go of the vampire fan within and be realistic- the movie is a letdown.
I’ll take on the special effects- fast, sprint-like running, tree jumping, jumping in general, and sparkling. My 5-year-old nephew could have choreographed more realistic special effects and stunt work. When Edward was shown running through the woods with Bella on his back, his feet looked to be about a foot ABOVE the ground (why even bother digitally removing the harnesses?). The whole sparkling in the meadow bit? It just looked like part of his face was out of focus. I’m especially disappointed in this considering the fact that George Lucas’ company, Industrial Light & Magic, was responsible for this effect. Shame on you- did someone get drunk while wielding a stylus pen in CGI?!
Though the award for the worst special effect can easily be given to the ‘jump’ sequences (this includes tree leaping as well). Confusion and bad editing also come into play. Edward and Bella take a little walk along a cliff on the water when out of nowhere Edward jumps up into a tuck position (cheerleader-style in weird, super slow-mo) and just before he lands on the rocks the scene cuts and switches to him landing in the bed of Bella’s truck after she’s pulled into the driveway- at a different time, on a different day, in a completely different scene. WTF???!!!
The makeup…oh for heaven’s sake, the makeup. Don’t get me wrong- Dr. Carlisle Cullen (played by Peter Facinelli) is one smokin’ hot vampire. However the moment he walks into frame, you have to restrain yourself from bursting into giggles. It appeared as if someone took white chalk, crumbled it into silt, and rubbed it all over his face. He is soooo white he may as well be translucent. This is a perfect example of this book adaptation going ‘Hollywood.’ What is so fascinating in the book is the fact that the vampires BLEND IN with society quite easily, and that they don’t look at all like traditional vampires (no fangs, capes, etc). Also, Edward is very clearly wearing lipstick in a lot of scenes. No, I’m not kidding, and yes, it is noticeable.
BAD BAD BAD dialogue. It’s just not realistic and it ‘feels’ awkward. When Bella finally awakes in the hospital and Edward tells her she should move to Florida with her mom, she stutters and stumbles over words so many times in such a tantrum-like fashion that the audience started laughing when the moment should have been more somber.
Bad acting: Is it just me or is Laurent talking like everyone around him can’t understand English? When he introduces the nomads he slowly says, “I am Laurent….and…this…is…Victoria. And…Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaames.”
More bad acting: When Bella walks into Biology class for the first time, Edward gags and then covers his mouth like he’s going to barf, not like he’s trying to resist killing her.
When Edward sucks the venom out of Bella’s wrist, Carlisle warns him that he is drinking too much blood and that if he doesn’t stop he will kill her. As Carlisle dramatically yelps, “Stop, Edward, stop it!” the camera pans to what appears to be an absolutely psychotic Edward gnawing on Bella as if she were a rack of spare ribs. It was creepy and silly altogether.
Alright, alright….here are the good parts:
The chemistry between Robert Pattinson (Edward) and Kristen Stewart (Bella) is electric even if it is a little emo. Bella does not smile…at all…not even once. The closest we get is a little close-mouthed smirk. Oh, the angst of being a teenager. The kissing scenes between the two will give you goosebumps (imagine a lot of lingering)- it all feels very genuine and sweet, reminiscent of first kisses and first love.
Also good: the camera adores Robert Pattinson. He comes off as a modern day James Dean, strolling through the school parking lot, Ray Bans slung over his eyes, a playful smile on his face, with his arm gently resting over Bella’s shoulders. Women everywhere will become lifelong fans based on this moment alone.
The baseball scene was dope. With Muse’s ‘Supermassiveblackhole’ blasting, we see Rosalie swing valiantly and round the bases with an easy but sporty grace. When tagged out at home plate (called by umpire Bella) she gives a glare so harsh you want to reach through the screen and slap her (during this scene my sister actually whispered to me, “I hate Rosalie and want her to die.” Oh and did I mention that my sister calls me Rosalie?). Nice work, Nikki Reed.
Bella’s school pals were hilarious- actually BETTER in the movie than in the book! Eric, Mike, Tyler, Angela, and Jessica were not only expertly cast, they added a much needed dose of vivaciousness to the film. My fave part- Eric’s sarcastic demonstration of composting skills during a field trip to a green house. He then proceeds to run around chasing girls with worms while they screamed. Classic and realistic behavior for a high school boy!
Charlie Swan (played by Billy Burke), Bella’s dad, was…fantastic. He was quiet but adoring of his daughter, and expertly delivered his lines, showcasing a dry sense of humor and lovable ‘aw shucks’ kind of attitude. You could see a really nice dynamic between him and Bella; their familial relationship was absolutely believable. Even Billy and Jacob Black fit smoothly into the mix- they came off as lovable, funny, and likable family friends.
The meadow scene took place without any dialogue at all, however the camera work was beautiful as there was a tight zoom on Edward and Bella’s firm eye contact that gently spiraled outward never relenting on how transfixed the two are with one another.
THE BEST PART OF ALL: When Bella is recovering in the hospital, her mind travels quickly through an erratic dream sequence of her life- her family, friends, relationships, Edward, thoughts, hopes, worries, and fears all fervently flash across the screen. Every strong emotion I felt while reading these books was lit on fire in this sequence! It was emotional and beautiful all the same, with the final image of Bella and Edward, laying together on a snow-covered ground, cementing the thought in Bella’s mind that she had in fact died protecting those she loved. This was one of the very few times throughout the movie that I actually felt a little Twilight magic. 
When the dream sequence is over and she awakes, Edward kisses her forehead and just lingers, resting his forehead against hers…it’s very simple and very effective.
CONSISTENCY:
-Why are all of the Cullen vampires shockingly pale-faced, yet Victoria, the nomadic vampire, is rosy cheeked?
-James bites Bella’s wrist to drink her blood, so one can assume that a vampire can bite anywhere to inject ‘venom.’ So then, why does Carlisle choose to bite the necks of Edward and Esme? Also, Carlisle is supposed to be the chancellor of compassion, yes he attacked those two necks like he hadn’t eaten in 10 years.
-When Alice and Jasper are pulling into the hotel driveway it is clearly sunny outside. Sunlight also streams through the hotel lobby when they head to the check-in desk.
-There is no allusion to Edward writing a lullaby for Bella. There is a random scene of Edward playing the piano in a dim room with beaming lights and Bella is lounging on a chaise in the background before moving to sit next to him at the piano bench. The scene could easily be confused for a daydream.
-The only other Cullen trait mentioned was Alice’s ability to see the future. Why not mention Jasper’s ability to manipulate moods? During the baseball confrontation with the nomads, it is clear that Jasper eases the tension…that is until the wind blows Bella’s scent in the direction of James. The Cullens are so multi-talented and awesome and the scenes didn’t really convey that.
-The music and score vary between fantastic and bewildering. Perry Farell’s “Go all the way (into the twilight)” blasts out at prom and fits quite nicely as a song to kick up your heels and dance to. At La Bella Italia, Robert Pattinson’s own “Never Think” sweetly plays in the background as he tells Bella that he can in fact read minds and proceeds to tell her what all of the other restaurant patrons are thinking. In dramatic scenes, like the vampire ‘reveal’ in the forest, the score featured in the clip on iTunes is far superior to the actual score in the movie. It sounded….like crap (at this point in my long-a$$ review I’m running out of adjectives and intelligent sentences).
-Jacob makes an appearance at prom. Sort of. He appears from behind a tree IN A FOREST to give Bella a message. After she wearily thanks him for the heads up, he walks back into the forest and disapears into the night. Um…what?!! Does he live there? He’s not a wolf yet so why the F does he need to mysteriously vanish into the foilage???
IN CONCLUSION, the movie was a mosaic- a billion colorful pieces assembled together in hopes to create an image…only that image is distorted. SO many details were left out and a movie cannot survive on romantic chemistry alone. It’s genuinely disheartening, but I believe a sequel will be made with a bigger budget and hopefully they can improve on all the areas where they went astray.
P.S. LONGEST. POST. EVER.
Posted by kellyq 
Posted by kellyq 
Posted by kellyq 
