Does it seem as though I’ve been a little absent lately?
Cause I have. Sigh.
My life has been a roller coaster of stress lately- I haven’t had time to go to the bathroom let alone blog, which is sad to me because writing is one the great passions of my life. Plus the notion of writing something down makes all the changes in my life very permanent and real, and I’ve struggled with that.
So here’s the deal: I am busy as all hell. At the end of August I am moving in with Fitz, yet this isn’t as easy as packing up and transporting boxes. When the ‘combining of the assets’ occurs, naturally there are things that don’t make the journey. So in addition to the ‘great move’ I am also responsible for what I like to call ‘the great purge’ (this meaning all of the crap I have to weed through and either toss or donate). It’s a lot to take on and I have waaaaay too many pairs of shoes.
Furthermore, my job has my mind occupied for a solid 22 hours out of the day. With the news that two of my employees are on their way out, I am busier then ever. I am also busy with my second job- that being the job of wedding planning. It is pretty intense right now- tracking down RSVPs, plotting a seating chart, writing up programs, deciding on vows, picking out a veil, ordering shoes, choosing rings, chatting with florists, etc. It’s neverending, but it is exciting to see it all coming together. I don’t want to just rush through these details because this is all once in a life time- I want to relish it all because it will be a part of my history.
EVEN MORE furthermore…(doesn’t make sense, I know. Just go with it) I have come to a personal realization that something is missing…in my life and in my career. I have always been a writer at heart. I was on the school newspaper, I have a journalism degree, I’ve kept journals my entire life (you’re reading an electronic version right now). But it’s as if all of a sudden I realized that I’ve submerged myself in a successful career that doesn’t allow me to flex my writing skills. And it’s starting to make me itch. No, not that way- there’s a cream for that. Itch in a way that I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up if I’m not satisfied at the end of the day. After some much careful thought and research, I’ve decided that I would really like to go back to school part-time. I found a great program for a Master of Fine Arts in Writing. It’s a program that can set me on the right track for what I truly long to do- which is to write books, screenplays, short stories, etc. It can put me on path that leads me in the direction I long to be in. It will be a slow journey but one that I’m greatly looking forward to.
So yeah…that is my life. I figure the best thing to do right now is get the heck out of dodge. I’ll be in New Orleans for the weekend. Oh, and I will be meditating on the words and lyrics of Bob Dylan:
May your hands always be busy
May your feet always be swift
May you have a strong foundation
When the winds of changes shift
As if recovering from one’s bachelorette party isn’t hard enough…this week I received a healthy dose of news to smack me upside the head and remind me that nothing stays the same forever.
In one short month, three of my very close friends will move away. Out of state. Far. For various reasons.
And in short…I’m devastated.
Don’t get me wrong, I understand that this is all a part of life. We move in different directions, try new things, explore new adventures, etc. But to have all of this happen at once makes me pretty weepy and sad. What’s even worse is the fact that some of this news isn’t exactly public knowledge just yet, so I am left to stomach this like day old potato salad left in the sun.
I am mostly jarred by the fact that I am at this point in my life- the point when you start to ask yourself, “Am I doing what I love?” “Am I really this old?” and my personal favorite “What the F is going on here?!” Don’t get me wrong, I don’t feel old, I’m just surprised at how quickly time is passing me by. When I was 18 I used to think about what I wanted to do before I was 30- have a graduate degree, write a book, live in the city. When that age begins to creep up there is this startling realization that life comes at you fast, and if you have goals, you have to be your own advocate and chase them. And that is really freakin’ scary.
The thing is…I’ve actually accomplished a lot of what I set out to do. I’m exactly where I thought I would be with my life. And as I make plans to move ahead with my writing pursuits, now all of sudden I find myself terrified of the unknown. Seeing all of these changes around me is a reminder that I’m not the only one walking in the dark, breaking away from the pack. I’m clinging to a dream from the past that cannot quite exist in the future; kinda like graduating college- you don’t want to leave the life you’ve had for four years yet you DRAG yourself from campus and back into your parents’ house cause let’s face it- no one wants to be the 24-year-old hanging out at freshman bar, gripping a mai tai, talking about the good old days and ‘afties.’
So for now I will say this- I know that change is important, and I respect these friends for their decisions to move and pursue new opportunities. Yesterday I told Fitz that all of these changes make me realize that things can’t stay the same way forever, which is a painful realization but a necessary one. I choose to stand by that statement even though on the inside I’m throwing an emotional tantrum, complete with kicking, screaming, and crying.
Seeing these photos makes me soooo eager for a new camera. My aunt Rita has a sweet Nikon that she let me peruse over the weekend. It was amazing- I miss my photography!!! So the status is…my current camera is all sorts of not cool. Fitz found an awesome camera that he was going to give me for Christmas…then he got laid off. And we were in the middle of planning a wedding. And my dad was in the hospital. So we gently nudged the camera dream off for another day, knowing that when these issues were laid to rest in the past, the camera would somehow find it’s way into our lives when the time was right. And I’m sure it will.
Last night Fitz and I went to Ravinia to see The Beach Boys, as part of a company outing. It was awesome!!! Their music is pretty classic, feel good stuff.
Although I have to admit that I got a little nostalgic when I heard Brian Wilson sing ‘God Only Knows’ because it brings me back to one of my favorite movies, Love Actually. The song plays at the very end, when the cast is at the airport, and there is a sea of people greeting one another and exchanging pleasantries. Yeah…you know what I’m talking about! It is such a beautiful moment and it’s as if that song was written just for this purpose- to properly showcase how wonderful and special affection can be.
It was bliss.
(Though I was pissed that John Stamos was not on drums. I would’ve KILLED to see Uncle Jesse in action)
*I saw a tow truck with the name “Unique Towing Co.” written on the side of it. I mean…really?! Since when is the ‘art’ of towing considered unique? Isn’t there only one way to do it? Are you assuring your customers, “Don’t worry. We’re not going to tow your car like those other tow tucks. We jack your car and hitch up UNIQUELY.”? Weird.
*Lindsay Lohan is just gross. And sad. And…gross.
*I fulfilled a life long dream today when I purchased these shoes at Strange Cargo in Wrigleyville.
*A vendor selling peanuts at the Cubs game did his whole sales pitch in a Harry Carray voice, complete with head shaking. He deserved a standing ovation.
*There is a show on TLC called ‘The World’s Tallest Children.’ I watched a preview and almost shed tears. The emotional territory is not conducive with my Sunday evening chillaxing.
*Why do encased meats taste so delicious?
*The fact that Lauren Conrad from MTV’s The Hills has made The New York Times Bestsellers List as an ‘author,’ makes me consider a career in reality television. Let’s tally the points:
Kelly: College education + journalism degree + communications degree + 6 years work experience = dumbfounded. All of this versus some California girl that let MTV film 4 months of her senior year of high school. UNBELIEVABLE.
*It was WONDERFUL to visit with family this weekend at my family reunion.
*I’m getting married in two months! Tonight Fitz and I met up with his cousin David, who will be officiating the ceremony. We discussed some details and exchanged ideas regarding the whole process of it all. I think this put us over the edge in realizing how soon this is all happening. It’s crazy…awesome.
I like to eat. I like to cook. And I like to dine at restaurants. Therefore, there is a lot of food in my life. And I dig it. But there are some that I dig more then others…some I downright crave. Some are a little off the wall but I own it and that’s all that matters! In no particular order:
1. Avocados (on salads, guacamole, etc)
2. Shrimp (I have a very yummy lime and garlic shrimp taco recipe)
3. English Muffins (bagels are too filling, make me want to take a nap)
4. CHEESE (that’s pretty much all I need to say)
5. Caprese Salad (with fresh basil, a little salt and pepper, some olive oil, some balsamic…DELICIOUS)
6. Hummus (with carrots, celery…pretty much anything crunchy)
7. Pretzel bread (this is like kryptonite for Fitz and I- we always eat the ENTIRE loaf in one evening!)
8. Milk chocolate (no matter how many times I’ve tried it, dark chocolate just doesn’t do it for me)
9. Turkey burgers (I make really good turkey burger sliders with pepperjack cheese and BBQ sauce)
10. Salmon (It’s what’s for dinner…especially when steamed in the dishwasher)
Keep in mind this list changes every day. Possibly every hour, because right now I’m wondering how almonds didn’t make this list??!! Hmmm….
And now, I present to you my top ten favorite junk foods. Foods that are so friggin bad for you that I’m practically gaining weight just thinking about them. Yet again, in no particular order:
1. McDonalds Chicken Nuggets (I’m pretty sure the chicken’s beak and feet are blended into the mix but I can’t deny it…they are yummy in my tummy)
2. French fries (particularly the truffle fries at MK in Chicago…heaven)
3. BLT (or anything with bacon really)
4. Fitz’s cheesy chips (he pretty much just melts cheese on chips but it’s really tasty)
5. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. (It never gets old. It only gets better)
6. Soft serve ice cream (better if it’s fro yo but then it wouldn’t really be junk food would it?)
7. McDonalds Breakfast (How the hell did this place show up twice on this list?? Keep in mind I eat fast food MAYBE four times a year)
8. Margaritas (Yeah, I know they’re not a meal, but they contain about 800 calories and that is the equivalent. Pass the salt!)
9. Jalepeno poppers (so so so bad for you. so so so good. actually best when hungover!)
10. Grilled cheese (a childhood classic…that is now an adulthood classic, I suppose)
I just returned from a beautifully magical weekend in Minocqua, WI. Ahhhhh….
So much blissful relaxation! I read books (‘When You’re Engulfed in Flames’ by good ol’ Sedaris), went boating, took naps, ate brats (hella mustard), drank margaritas (frozen), went running, and basked in the warm sunshine with some amazing people. What more can one ask for?
Pictures to come soon- I have to wait for Fitz to download. What is it about the 4th of July that brings families together with such joyous intentions? This is a totally underrated holiday in my book. I really felt like I was surrounded by a lot of love and high fives…it was fab. Or maybe it was just all of the margaritas???!!
Hmmm.
Let it be known that it is an amazing feeling to get away from cell phones, computers, job stress, and the rigors of day to day life. Don’t be afraid to free yourself from technology- there is no better way to commemorate the 4th!!!
P.S. Yeah, that’s right. SOUL FOR REAL!!! Don’t act like you’re too good for a semi-formal roller skating party! And yeah, this song is totally 1993. You know you love it.
Posted by kellyq 
Posted by kellyq 
Posted by kellyq 
