As if recovering from one’s bachelorette party isn’t hard enough…this week I received a healthy dose of news to smack me upside the head and remind me that nothing stays the same forever.
In one short month, three of my very close friends will move away. Out of state. Far. For various reasons.
And in short…I’m devastated.
Don’t get me wrong, I understand that this is all a part of life. We move in different directions, try new things, explore new adventures, etc. But to have all of this happen at once makes me pretty weepy and sad. What’s even worse is the fact that some of this news isn’t exactly public knowledge just yet, so I am left to stomach this like day old potato salad left in the sun.
I am mostly jarred by the fact that I am at this point in my life- the point when you start to ask yourself, “Am I doing what I love?” “Am I really this old?” and my personal favorite “What the F is going on here?!” Don’t get me wrong, I don’t feel old, I’m just surprised at how quickly time is passing me by. When I was 18 I used to think about what I wanted to do before I was 30- have a graduate degree, write a book, live in the city. When that age begins to creep up there is this startling realization that life comes at you fast, and if you have goals, you have to be your own advocate and chase them. And that is really freakin’ scary.
The thing is…I’ve actually accomplished a lot of what I set out to do. I’m exactly where I thought I would be with my life. And as I make plans to move ahead with my writing pursuits, now all of sudden I find myself terrified of the unknown. Seeing all of these changes around me is a reminder that I’m not the only one walking in the dark, breaking away from the pack. I’m clinging to a dream from the past that cannot quite exist in the future; kinda like graduating college- you don’t want to leave the life you’ve had for four years yet you DRAG yourself from campus and back into your parents’ house cause let’s face it- no one wants to be the 24-year-old hanging out at freshman bar, gripping a mai tai, talking about the good old days and ‘afties.’
So for now I will say this- I know that change is important, and I respect these friends for their decisions to move and pursue new opportunities. Yesterday I told Fitz that all of these changes make me realize that things can’t stay the same way forever, which is a painful realization but a necessary one. I choose to stand by that statement even though on the inside I’m throwing an emotional tantrum, complete with kicking, screaming, and crying.
Posted by kellyq 